I love the smell of football in the morning

Lucozades are being purchased. Muscles are being massaged. Dan Holt is getting his chesthair out. These shows of bravado can mean only one thing – It’s Football Friday at Diffusion Media Towers. Finally, after the mere distractions of Champions League football, the footballing community has something worthy of their full attention.

And with this wave of excitement come fresh faces. We’re pleased to see that Chris ‘Rocket Right Foot’ Mann is gracing us with his presence, but we’re less than pleased to see that Joe Holt has made what can only be described as a miraculous recovery. We obviously sent the heavies to the wrong address…

The 7th Chamber have understandably taken confidence from this swing of the pendulum, this rising of a new dawn (whoops, slipped into cliché mode there) and are confident that today will be the first of many glorious victories.

Grape, you can show as many ‘hilarious’ football videos as you want, but save the effort for the pitch.

But for those impatient folks who want a flavour of what’s going down on the pitch, have a look at this excellent article by the Guardian on the fine art of passing. An art that we will attempt to recreate on the gladitorial arena that is the 4 a side pitch. ‘Who needs Xavi when you’ve got Mole?’ is a statement frequently sent to us by our fan in the literally dozens of fanmail we recieve each year.

You’ve all been warned.

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Complex Presents: The Charlie Sheen Soundboard

Rolling Subs?

That’s the question on everybody’s lips as the inevitable hour rolls around. Both teams showing depleted numbers in the run up to this weeks main event; the Grape Digital/ 7th Chamber footballing extravaganza. Head of Grape, and friend of popular rap singer/ eminent lecturer, Professor Green had little in the way of speculation before this event, preferring instead to retire to his famous ‘philosophy rug’, to think tactically about the clash.

That actually is him.

The only other speculation was on whether long-term ‘crying-off’ merchant Louise Earl, would make an appearance. Sources close to the Nigerian, Ladies, under 13 champion said “I honestly couldn’t tell you” – the most affirmative response yet regarding Earl’s attendance. Interestingly, Grape’s Ian Fuller (of the brewing family) has loaned a pair of shin pads, eradicating her usual excuse to not turn up.

With 30 minutes until kick-off, only time will tell.

 

 

Tulip mania

In 17th century Holland, people were besieged by tulip mania, resulting in the value of the flowers spiralling out of control, eventually meaning that tulip bulbs were being sold speculatively for more than 20 times the annual salary of a skilled craftsman. This analogy has been used for centuries by economists forewarning of the over valuation of something with no tangible assets, a good example being loss making tech companies with proportionally small revenue streams getting crazy valuations.

Facebook’s $50 billion valuation makes it worth more than News Corp but in it’s defence it has a high earning revenue stream with the potential for more earnings as more refined software is developed. On the other hand, Twitter valuation of $10 billion is, in this writers opinion, vastly over inflated. Twitter’s revenue of $43 million last year is less than its most popular user Lady Gaga.

Spotifys recent valuation of $1 billion makes even less sense considering that it has made losses for five consecutive years, and only 10% of its 10 million users currently subscribe to the Unlimited or Premium service. Clearly something is amiss, as investors think they have struck gold and are prepared to piss money away to find it. AOL are the true masters of reaching into their seemingly endless money pit, offering $100 million for GoViral and $350 million for the Huffington post – they surely can’t have forgotten about their 800% loss on Bebo?

We have been here before, anyone old enough to remember the heady days of the late 90’s will look on with horror at the idea that there could be a new theglobe.com (which posted a record one day IPO gain of 610%, followed by a record fall), and will be shaking their heads thinking of all the now defunct tech and social firms out there. There have been many lessons learnt in the last 10 years, but the fact that Zynga a company which creates virtual farms has just been valued at $10 billion and the world’s biggest (real) farm has been valued at $1.1 billion suggests that there are still some prospectors out there willing to bet their money on a bunch of flowers.

On a less sombre note, it seems that some mainstream news outlets are awakening to the idea that viral videos can in fact be branded content; the Sydney Morning Herald was shocked to find that this video seemingly made by two stunning models was actually for Levis:

This is of course exactly the engagement that viral and branded content dreams of starting, especially if it drives 7 million views in little over a week.

Finally it seems that many of our favourite YouTube superstars are to feature their own movie, the ‘chronicles of Rick Roll’ stars A Listers Paul ‘double rainbow’ Vasquez and the inimitable Antoine Dobson. The Oscars are in the bag.

“Healthy teeth are happy teeth”

That was the only quote we could get from Grape boss and head-of-tackling Dan Holt who, if rumours are to be believed, is slipping further into insanity. “I told the boys, brush at the back, no more plaque”.

The famously silent and press-wary 7th chamber, who usually shy away from bold statements in favour of internal team talks, and motivational weekends at Champneys, have been goaded by the hype loving boys at Grape into issuing a formal statement, the 7th chamber’s nominated spokesperson, and east-London fashionista, Darcy ‘the hair’ Mitchell, had this to say, “Oh, oh, shall I get one up?” – wise words from one of the industry’s leading tactitioners, but perhaps a nod to grape that this week they should be looking to the skies. Protective netting found on the 7th chamber’s training ground (the leagues shortest team by some 8 inches) could also point to this.

Continuing their PR stunt, the 7th chamber are expecting a lot of photographers down at today’s match. Fiona “I’m not related to Max” Moseley was spotted sniffing around the Hallowed Old Street turf with her lens out.

In related news, perennial 7th chamber excuse-merchant, Louise Earl won’t be playing this week because A.) She hasn’t got shinpads, or B.) She doesn’t want more bruises on her shins. Earl leaves it to you to decide. William Hill haven’t ruled out an appearance before the end of the season, but the odds are the same as the match ending without tears from a 7C goalie, or in other words, very slim.

As Grape point out in their ego-stroking statement issued earlier this morning (http://grape-digital.com/2011/02/the-forecast-is-goals-goals-and-more-goals/) the only real speculation remains over whether 7th Chamber new signing and wonder kid, Chris of the North will be playing… only time will tell.

Tomas – The Book

The 7th Chamber and Jupiter Marketing conspire for the promotion of Tomas, the 1st novel by James Palumbo, with four troubling yet amazing animations.

 

 

 

WHAT DO MORONS EATING LIVE BUGS IN THE JUNGLE CREATE?
OTHER MORONS
Tomas: 01.07

‘Absolutely amazing… it’s the most energetic, surreal and extraordinary novel I have read for a very long time…
it’s really remarkable.’
Stephen Fry

‘The noises I made whilst reading this book frightened people on the train.’
Noel Fielding

‘Either mad or genius or both!’
Rory Bremner

‘American Psycho comes to Europe.’
Pete Tong

Bloated bankers, Russian roubles, salacious socialites and filthy footballers: this is the meaning of life in the new millennium. Controlling it all is SHIT TV, the ultimate reality channel, which dares to put homicidal dwarves on rollerblades and obese mamas in tutus. Reluctant celebrity Tomas has had enough. Armed with a tommy gun revolver, he sets out to teach the world a lesson and becomes a messiah in the process.

Along the way he will combat the Russian Great Bear, travel a thousand years into the future and redefine the West, aided by a militant judge, an angelic prostitute, telekinetic alien and the greatest Frenchman who ever lived.

James Palumbo’s fantastical debut is a brilliant riposte of the financial crisis now engulfing us. Like Candide and Gulliver before him, Tomas will startle your imagination, yet linger in your mind. For what seems grotesque, even impossible, has already happened…

About The Author:

Educated at Eton and Oxford, James Palumbo began his professional career in the world of finance. In 1991 he co-founded the iconic London nightclub, Ministry of Sound, and now presides over a global, multi-media business – MSHK Group – renowned for its vision and daring ideas.
Palumbo’s strong opinions and refusal to be daunted by controversy have allowed him to create in Tomas, his first novel, a unique vision of the world, which aggressively challenges the moral corruption at the centre of the present financial turmoil.
www.Tomas-Book.com

Are You Popular?

The 7th Chamber launches new ‘Great Deals for Popular People’ brand campaign with Adam & Eve

On Wednesday 10th June, Phones 4u launched its new integrated £2.5 million National brand campaign that reflects its strong resonance within the tech savvy youth market and its focus on providing value for its customers.

‘Great Deals for Popular People’ is about Phones 4u offering great value deals to ‘popular’ people only.  If customers don’t have 50 friends or more in their address books, they can’t get the deals.

The brand campaign will be supported by a microsite, www.areyoupopular.co.uk, where Phones 4u’s professor of popularity will offer a personalized analysis of you or your mate ‘s face. He will suss out if you are a YES or a massive NO and give you tips on how to be more popular. It also features a bespoke Facebook application download and viral content.

The campaign was developed by adam&eve, who it recently appointed following a regular review of the company’s advertising account. Russell Braterman, marketing director at Phones 4u said: “adam&eve was a natural choice for us as they blend creativity and imaginative thinking across all channels.”

Richard Spalding CEO of the 7th Chamber says ” Phones 4 U have created a very effective piece of social media marketing, using viral video and Facebook apps, to reach their target audience.”

The 7th Chamber is proud to be a digital partner and launch this great new campaign.