I love the smell of football in the morning

Lucozades are being purchased. Muscles are being massaged. Dan Holt is getting his chesthair out. These shows of bravado can mean only one thing – It’s Football Friday at Diffusion Media Towers. Finally, after the mere distractions of Champions League football, the footballing community has something worthy of their full attention.

And with this wave of excitement come fresh faces. We’re pleased to see that Chris ‘Rocket Right Foot’ Mann is gracing us with his presence, but we’re less than pleased to see that Joe Holt has made what can only be described as a miraculous recovery. We obviously sent the heavies to the wrong address…

The 7th Chamber have understandably taken confidence from this swing of the pendulum, this rising of a new dawn (whoops, slipped into cliché mode there) and are confident that today will be the first of many glorious victories.

Grape, you can show as many ‘hilarious’ football videos as you want, but save the effort for the pitch.

But for those impatient folks who want a flavour of what’s going down on the pitch, have a look at this excellent article by the Guardian on the fine art of passing. An art that we will attempt to recreate on the gladitorial arena that is the 4 a side pitch. ‘Who needs Xavi when you’ve got Mole?’ is a statement frequently sent to us by our fan in the literally dozens of fanmail we recieve each year.

You’ve all been warned.

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The Wonderful World of Charlie Sheen

Like anyone with an Internet connection, we at the 7th Chamber have been avidly following the trials and tribulations of a once great man – a man who at the very least mildly amused at times in the show that was Two And A Half Men (a spot which earnt him a reported $1.8 million per episode). Yes, we’re talking about Charlie Sheen. And if in case you’ve been stuck under a rock for the past week or so, you won’t know anything about his sordid weekends with porn stars and the now legendary ‘banging’ of ‘7 gram rocks’.

Charlie looking a little worse for wear.

Although Sheen’s plight is undeniably compelling and sad to some extent, what’s even more surprising is the reaction to his tales of excess and brutal honesty about his own drug use. Amidst the shadows and mirrors which encircle modern media, Sheen’s frankness is somewhat refreshing, as seen in this interview. (ABC News has disabled embedding by request. Sorry folks.) But the public reaction, especially in the realms of social media has been remarkable.

His Twitter account was newly created (with help from a a marketing firm called Ad.Ly) a few short days ago, has seen an unprecedented rise through the ranks of Twitter celebrities, taking only 25 hours and 17 minutes to obtain 1 million followers! A figure which, we think, would have surprised even Sheen.

And he’s put it to good use, connecting with his celebrity fans and providing an insightful look into his thought process – whilst making #winning and #tigerblood a must have trend for any socially aware Twitter user. And apparently Tiger Blood the drink has already been tweeted about by P Diddy – he claims that a combination of Redberry Ciroc and cranberry comprises of what will surely be this year’s most infamous beverage.

7th Chamber have never seen someone combine a public meltdown with such a surge in social media hype and business opportunities for Mr Sheen. Let’s hope that, amidst being unceremoniously dumped by the creators of Two And A Half Men (whose show was eerily parodied by House
just hours after the official announcement), Charlie Sheen can rise from the wasted remains of 7 gram rocks and continue ‘winning’.

Oh, and before I forget

Charlie on a roof with a machete. Did someone say ‘Viva la revoluçione’?

Until next time!

Complex Presents: The Charlie Sheen Soundboard

Rolling Subs?

That’s the question on everybody’s lips as the inevitable hour rolls around. Both teams showing depleted numbers in the run up to this weeks main event; the Grape Digital/ 7th Chamber footballing extravaganza. Head of Grape, and friend of popular rap singer/ eminent lecturer, Professor Green had little in the way of speculation before this event, preferring instead to retire to his famous ‘philosophy rug’, to think tactically about the clash.

That actually is him.

The only other speculation was on whether long-term ‘crying-off’ merchant Louise Earl, would make an appearance. Sources close to the Nigerian, Ladies, under 13 champion said “I honestly couldn’t tell you” – the most affirmative response yet regarding Earl’s attendance. Interestingly, Grape’s Ian Fuller (of the brewing family) has loaned a pair of shin pads, eradicating her usual excuse to not turn up.

With 30 minutes until kick-off, only time will tell.

 

 

What’s that you say? You want more social media roundups?

Well, it’s been a busy week here in ‘le bureau’. And after drying my tears after yesterday’s defeat (with a notable cameo from Andy Mole, dragging 7th Chamber by the scruff of its neck to a more respectable score), I’ve come to the conclusion that the world needs informing once again of notable happenings in the media world. Yes, amidst the shame, crushing self doubt and pity, I’ve decided you guys come first.

Macbook Envy

Apple have announced a new range of Macbook Pro models (check out this unboxing by this mildly annoying Canadian here). Guaranteed to generate envy and lust amongst Apple’s followers, aesthetically it’s…. not really that different.

I could get all boring and techy on you guys (and blather on about Thunderbolt, the higher processing speed and the bigger trackpad), but what we’re really interested about is the big boost in wireless communications that Apple is predicting. With the proposal of Mac to Mac wireless sharing, they seemed to be prepared to make the leap of faith and phase out disk drives. Yet more innovation from those sleek, shiny Californians. Now let’s hope Jobs (or Jobbo/Steveo/Steve ‘looking for’ Jobs as he’s known in the office) recovers from his recent health scare and stays on the helm long enough to see Apple in for this one. Get well soon Jobbo!

Old Men… with Lightsabers

Having been informed of this video by Alex Micu (a man who is an expert at delving deep into the murky depths of Youtube, only to unearth gems) of two elderly French gentlemen who, upon disagreeing, choose to settle the dispute in a way that would make George Lucas proud. Yes, with lightsabers. Vader and Luke take note.

Elsewhere, footballers are evolving. By this I mean they’re finding more and more inventive ways of simulating fouls, not kicking the ball faster or developing super strength. Imagine the possiblities… Anyway, in an U20’s match between Chile and Ecuador, one of the Chilean players saw fit to take his opponent’s hand and move it towards its own face vigorously, thus creating the illusion of a flailing limb aimed at his face.

How CLEVER of them. The miners would not be happy.

Elsewhere, Justin Bieber got MERKED. Not in real life, as I’m sure that would provoke some mild hysteria from the legions of Beliebers (and registered Beliebophiles) following his every move. No, he actually did a decent job of playing a murderous teenager on a recent episode of CSI, until the agents finally caught up with his criminal ass and plugged him full of lead.

And, just for you, here’s a dubstep remix!

Until next time guys.

Tulip mania

In 17th century Holland, people were besieged by tulip mania, resulting in the value of the flowers spiralling out of control, eventually meaning that tulip bulbs were being sold speculatively for more than 20 times the annual salary of a skilled craftsman. This analogy has been used for centuries by economists forewarning of the over valuation of something with no tangible assets, a good example being loss making tech companies with proportionally small revenue streams getting crazy valuations.

Facebook’s $50 billion valuation makes it worth more than News Corp but in it’s defence it has a high earning revenue stream with the potential for more earnings as more refined software is developed. On the other hand, Twitter valuation of $10 billion is, in this writers opinion, vastly over inflated. Twitter’s revenue of $43 million last year is less than its most popular user Lady Gaga.

Spotifys recent valuation of $1 billion makes even less sense considering that it has made losses for five consecutive years, and only 10% of its 10 million users currently subscribe to the Unlimited or Premium service. Clearly something is amiss, as investors think they have struck gold and are prepared to piss money away to find it. AOL are the true masters of reaching into their seemingly endless money pit, offering $100 million for GoViral and $350 million for the Huffington post – they surely can’t have forgotten about their 800% loss on Bebo?

We have been here before, anyone old enough to remember the heady days of the late 90’s will look on with horror at the idea that there could be a new theglobe.com (which posted a record one day IPO gain of 610%, followed by a record fall), and will be shaking their heads thinking of all the now defunct tech and social firms out there. There have been many lessons learnt in the last 10 years, but the fact that Zynga a company which creates virtual farms has just been valued at $10 billion and the world’s biggest (real) farm has been valued at $1.1 billion suggests that there are still some prospectors out there willing to bet their money on a bunch of flowers.

On a less sombre note, it seems that some mainstream news outlets are awakening to the idea that viral videos can in fact be branded content; the Sydney Morning Herald was shocked to find that this video seemingly made by two stunning models was actually for Levis:

This is of course exactly the engagement that viral and branded content dreams of starting, especially if it drives 7 million views in little over a week.

Finally it seems that many of our favourite YouTube superstars are to feature their own movie, the ‘chronicles of Rick Roll’ stars A Listers Paul ‘double rainbow’ Vasquez and the inimitable Antoine Dobson. The Oscars are in the bag.

The Beautiful Game

Ladies and gentleman, mesdames et messieurs, we bring you a special gift to you this week. We’ve only gone and bought you El Classico a day early! That’s right, you’ll have the pleasure of seeing this clash of the Titans on a Thursday – and what a glorious Thursday this is. Of all the Thursday’s we’ve encountered, I like this one the most. It’s glorious out there!

So, after a healthy breakfast of processed meats and fried food courtesy of Franco’s – a breakfast which is making this writer feel thoroughly unwell – the 7th Chamber are raring to go. Craig’s even bought new gloves so we should be an unstoppable force once we step foot onto the artificial turf.

I’m not going to lie and say our performances have been exemplary – if anything we’ve been poor. A lack of substitutes may have unhinged us, but we’ll stand strong. Let’s just hope that Dan ‘Gattuso’ Holt doesn’t mistake my ankle for the ball again.

A reconstruction of what happened last week:

and what will happen to the perpetrator of above featured tackle if provoked:

Grape, you’ve been warned. Don’t make us come over there!